Common Loot

It’s been seven years since the Nintendo Switch launched to the masses. Since it’s release, it has decimated the gaming landscape reaching unbelievable sales numbers that rivals the PlayStation 2 and even their own Nintendo DS. Despite that, people like myself feel as if the tech needs an upgrade as most modern games have demanded more and more power. 

This inherent need to improve on the Switch’s framework and establishing a more fluid experience is ever so prevalent thanks to newer titles like Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom where performance is a little lacking. Frame rate dips and some slowdown makes it clear that we are slowly reaching the technical ceiling of what the Switch could do. Naturally, this is driving people crazy. I’m not saying that Legend of Zelda is causing this mass hysteria, but there are other elements to it. A Rosebud to all of this and it’s Nintendo themselves.

Nintendo is a company unlike any other. They have this amazing staying power that easily overwhelms the psyche of anyone who even attempts to translate the unorthodox approach to consumer technology. There is a sense of progression within their products, going from selling trading cards over a hundred years ago to hybrid handheld gaming console of today, but no one expected an alarm clock. Honestly, we didn’t expect LABO either, but here we are.

In the Digital Trends article, Nintendo’s Alarmo turned my bedroom into a battleground, writer Giovanni Colantonio highlights the pure, unadulterated annoyance of the alarm clock. From the very beginning of the article, Giovanni highlights how it only took two days before his girlfriend cracked under Alarmo’s uncompromising nature. I do suggest you read the article as it is one of my favorite pieces of this year. 

Knowing that an alarm clock could cause this much chaos for two people makes me wonder if anyone else is using theirs and suffering in the sounds of Splatoon gunshots. Of course, I should note that prior to this announcement, people legitimately thought Nintendo was going to announce the Switch’s successor. 

So, not only did Nintendo annoy people who are eagerly awaiting the next leap in performance from the beloved company, but they are also clearly getting annoyed by the oppressive alarm clock. To an extent, I have to wonder if this was a joke; something Nintendo put out there to see if anyone would bite, and they did. The Alarmo sold out in just mere minutes. 

Fast forward a bit and here we are looking at a few games journalists making snide remarks at the next potential Nintendo announcement: Nintendo Music. Have you ever wanted to annoy your coworkers with an hour-long loop of the Wii Shop music? Well, then I have good news for you. Of course this application that requires a subscription to Nintendo’s online services, but for $20 a year, you can’t pass up the opportunity to see your boss throw a chair out the window.

 Yes, I don’t blame them for sharing this angst against the Mario developer and publisher. After all, the impatience for the next Switch only grows with every announcement that doesn’t pertain to the device. Which makes yesterday’s announcement even sweeter for those who lost their sanity two announcements ago. 

Yes, in a bit of seriousness, we are in this awful between moment. A purgatory of Nintendo making. We have so many questions about the next generation of Nintendo hardware that is preventing anyone from moving forward with buying a Switch out of fear that the next one would release relatively soon. 

We have already seen rumblings of the next device using NVIDIA’s DLSS technology to upscale the performance of Tears of the Kingdom and we saw the early renders leak from an undisclosed source. There is so much mystery behind the device that I am afraid of it. What if this device actually exists in physicality as opposed to the image in my head? What if the render was false and Nintendo doesn’t utilize DLSS? There is the potential to exasperate the masses. 

So yes, Nintendo is entering their goblin phase. They even announced that Xenoblade Chronicles X will be releasing on Switch in March; which while it is a good thing seems to annoy people because the next Switch is sure to launch around that time, right? RIGHT?!

It just goes to show that Nintendo are the masters of manipulation. They know how to drive people insane. We know their tactics when it comes to dismantling emulation software and their rigorous processes so you can stream their games or hold a Super Smash Bros competition. Only Nintendo could show you an adorable mascot that helps you brush your teeth while simultaneously waterboard the guys who made Palworld.